I’ve been fairly quiet recently… reduced channeling, infrequent social media, and practically non-existent blogging. Simply put, much less contact with the outside world.
It was manifesting outwardly as migraines. Migraines, that lasted for 3,4,5 days; leaving me exhausted - and as channeling uses the crown chakra and seemed to be creating quite a pressure in my head, I had to let it rest.
In my down time, I started to notice a resurgence of interest in tarot/oracle cards and even more surprisingly Reiki. I say more surprisingly as even though I am a Reiki Master/Teacher, I have barely used it in recent years. As for the cards, I decided some time last year that I didn’t want the ‘tool’ or the ‘prop’ I just wanted to channel directly – expressly as a conscious channel.
There was part of me that felt I had evolved my practice away from those modalities into where I am today. In my ego-state I struggled with thoughts of ‘am I going backwards?’ and so deliberately chose not to go there, even when I knew I was receiving thoughts and feelings about it.
I refused to listen and for those who read/listen to my monthly energy forecasts, will know that last month’s forecast mysteriously ‘disappeared’. Having recorded the intro, the actual channeling (which happened for 25 minutes) was not there. It was not recorded. I was way too drained to re-record at that time and so allowed myself to venture down another avenue and use one of the other processes I have come to understand over the past years.
I honestly had thoughts that were akin to being a failure, if I swayed from what I had started with my site. I felt if I translated the transmission in a conversational way, daring to utter such sentences in my own voice rather than the guides and angels, that I was not delivering. I felt that it was not what I was meant to do. I judged myself that if I was ‘real’ there should be absolutely no input from me. I had developed an extremely tight criterion that, I alone, was holding myself to. Only spirit can talk. Only pure channeling. Every time.
I came to see that I was simply adding undue pressure to myself. Why did it matter in which way I shared the information, as long as I shared it? I literally couldn’t answer that, yet I held myself to these guidelines, to this strict schedule. Punishing myself mentally for even daring to think not to go there.
I understand it was a well-intended thought; one of keeping me on my path, on my mission - that had just taken on a life of its own; becoming inflexible and intolerant of anything different, or any other ways to bring through the messages.
I had no answer to this feeling. I felt quite down, and started to entertain many ego-driven questions about my capabilities and purpose, and why I couldn’t just ‘stick to plan’.
Then I realized, that I was not allowing the flow… the flow of energy that meanders and takes many twists and turns. This was blocking me… and worse still, it was preventing me from being my authentic self.
Authenticity, I’ve discovered, doesn’t mean you must just stick to one thing. To beat the drum of one way for yourself or you’re a failure. It means allowing yourself to be; allowing that freedom of expression of your innate wisdom, coupled with whatever spirit might be bringing through.
The truth is I have experience in many areas, and when feeling drawn to them, it would be criminal not to use them.
For I am not going backwards; I am not doing an about-turn. I am choosing to use the energy and experience of what I was somehow guided to learn on my own personal journey. How could blocking all past knowledge ever benefit in the long run?
It’s been quite an eye-opener as I asked myself these questions. What do you want to do? What do you like doing? What don’t you like doing? And if I find myself in the space of ‘liking’ something I had previously turned my back on, then who’s to say that is wrong?
I’m not talking going back to someone who has treated you badly and starting again just because you are ‘thinking’ of them. I’m not talking rose-tinted spectacles. I’m talking about the blocks we put on our own life because of should’s or would’s or can’ts and won’ts. I’m talking limiting beliefs.
The only way past these limiting beliefs is honesty, integrity and authenticity. What are you honestly feeling about a topic, person or place? Use integrity in dealing with the subject matter, the person, or even yourself - and be authentic.
It almost felt weird, like I was ‘letting someone down’ by not having every single post and message come from only pure verbal channeling. Now, in between the odd egoic-thought, I can see that being truly authentic keeps me in a place of love; for myself and the wider world. Significantly, in a state of love, I am actually more likely to receive and get the very channeling I desire. It’s a win-win situation.
Make room today for yourself; for your highest self to align with you and to express that emotion, thought or word in the best and most congruent way possible. Whatever that may be. Whether it fits with the current plan or not. You will find that when you do that, you will discover that there is in fact synergy between the very elements you thought didn’t fit the brief.
We are energetic beings and flow is paramount to our expansion. Holding back, even in the belief that you are doing good, is disempowering and limiting.
Be free, be happy, be true.
So, from here on, I will be looking at all the different ways and methods I can use to be the best I can be… authentic.